Relationship Tips

Relationship Tip #3 – Expectation Kills The Connection

If curiosity kills the cat, then expectation is definitely what kills the connection in relationships. What exactly happens when we expect?

To look forward to, require or consider due

To happen, to give permission for, to allow

These two definitions are key to know as we navigate in our relationships. Why? Because they detail how we tend to self sabotage relationships by placing expectations on the actions of those around us and/or the situations we are involved in with these individuals.

Allow me to paint the picture…


A 5 year old boy sits in front of his birthday cake. He has been eagerly awaiting a superhero themed party and a very specific spiderman gift. This small boy has told everyone over and over about the party and the gift for months. But, recently this child’s parents lost their jobs and are struggling to make ends meet.

On this day the child doesn’t receive the themed party or the spiderman gift he has been  expecting. What he does receive is a cake, family around him and a toy that his father spent days making for him.

What do you suppose happens to the child’s emotions on his birthday? Is he joyful over the love his parents are giving him and grateful for the gift he does receive? Or, is he upset that his built up expectations weren’t met.

This is how we tend to travel through life. We become the child whose party expectations weren’t met and we become disheartened each time we don’t receive what we have built up in our minds. The layers of disappointment mount until we are so weighed down that we don’t remember how to be anything but disappointed. This creates a cycle in all relationships. We expect that we will be disappointed.

There is a way to turn this cycle around.

When we release expectation and permit relationships to present themselves as they are – we begin to recognize the gifts that are being offered in the current moment. Disappointment fades and we understand that even when we don’t agree with an action or an outcome, there is opportunity for growth within it. We see the beauty and freedom in the allowance instead of the limitation set by the requirements of expectation.

Relationship Tip #3 – Release Expectation and Permit Things To Unfold

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