Life Coaching

Quiet The Mind – Expand The Heart

photo-1500945160564-0b4cd50585faWhy is it so challenging to quiet the mind when it comes to matters of the heart? Sometimes, no matter what tools we leverage, navigating the chatter in our head to connect with and hear our heart feels like a futile effort. What can we do when we are faced with this challenge?

Generally, it is our fear of loss that ignites when we are faced with potential change that involves the heart. This causes our mind to create plans for how to navigate the change and wonder what will come next. It is as though a piece of us is dying and, for most of us, we don’t desire to die in any sense.

What do we do to return to our heart?

What I have found to be most beneficial is to actively choose to look at the circumstance as expansion and not death. What do I mean?

Think of it like adding a room on to your house. When we make the decision that our home could use more space, we also know that we must be willing to navigate through the discomfort of the construction in order to enjoy the beautiful new space. We don’t look at the demolition of a portion of our home for the addition as death of the space. Instead, we see it for what it is – building onto something we love because there is more that might be done with the space.

This is how I view matters of my eternal home – my heart. It is an opportunity for me to expand the divine love within – adding room after room with each experience. When the chatter of my mind inevitably arises, I remind myself that any discomfort I am feeling is simply the building process – soon the construction will be complete and I will have a beautiful new space to add to my experience.

With love ~Amber

Relationship Tips

Loving Support – Relationship Tip #5

In every relationship there generally comes a point where the person we care about begins to act in a way that makes absolutely no sense to us. They find a hobby that we simply don’t relate to or they make choices that we can’t understand. It can be any number of things. The question is, how do we respond?

The answer may be one of our greatest opportunities to be an expression of unconditional love – we can choose to navigate beyond our feelings and support the person we love in their choice.

If we react or respond to their choices with anger, disgust or fear, all we show them is that we don’t respect their ability to make decisions.

Everyone desires to feel valued and respected, especially by those they love. So, no matter how greatly we may feel our response is justified, we must always ask ourselves: what matters more – our response in that moment or the overall impact our response will leave on the person we love?

If we feel the decision our loved one is making could be harmful, seek to understand why they are making the choice. Get to the root of the desire, then navigate forward from this awareness. Is it a desire for attention? Are they seeking something else completely?

Above all, it is how each of us choose to respond that will determine if this opportunity will bring our relationships closer together. Be aware in each moment as you navigate through it.

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Relationship Tips

Nobody Likes To Feel Trapped – Relationship Tip #4

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where you simply feel trapped? Be it by family, friends or a romantic partner – you feel as though you are bound to them in such a way that you have no other option than to remain in the relationship?
 
Relationships should never feel like a trap. If a relationship feels this way, it is a clear indication that there is something fundamentally misaligned in the exchange.
 
MISALIGNMENT DOES NOT MEAN…
 
a) that the relationship cannot be realigned – removing the feelings of entrapment
 
b) that it’s is all about the other person and their actions (often, this feeling is a sign that the person feeling trapped has internal actions to navigate)
 
WHAT IT DOES MEAN…
 
is that there is a need to observe the reason for the feelings and take the necessary steps to resolve them.ramiro-checchi-76579
 
This may be stating the obvious, but what we might not understand is the cycle we are creating as we allow this feeling of entrapment to continue.
 
When we give permission for a feeling such as this to be a dominate feeling in our lives, we are telling ourselves that it is ok to feel this way. This establishes the foundation for the next relationship, then the next and all additional relationships. We unknowingly set a pattern until we become numb to it. We know nothing else and over time, we may subconsciously begin to seek that feeling.

 
Relationship Tip #4: If You Feel Trapped – Break The Cycle
 
Take time to understand what is generating the feelings of being trapped and take the actions needed to resolve them. Allow yourself to build healthy relationships based in love, not fear. You are worth it!
Life Coaching

Do We Hold Onto Life Because We Fear Death?

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This discussion came up after watching a show where one of the characters had a heartfelt monologue about how fearing death is what makes life worth living. His point was that death gave life value. Fearing the loss of life made it worth something.

While I understood the point of the scene and do agree in some ways, I guess I look at this a bit differently.

I don’t fear death, yet I still find life incredibly valuable and embrace every single second of it fully and completely. I do this because I truly love life. I love the way the sun and breeze feels. I love the way it feels to laugh with my friends and family. I love the opportunities that are presented to me for personal growth and development. I am grateful for every moment and recognize it as the gift that it is.

In my view, my life has value because it is filled with love – not because I fear its end. If I have lived each moment fully, then in the end I will have many beautiful memories to take with me. What is there to fear in this?

EMBRACE LIFE – LIVE IT FULLY.

Whether it is death that gives it meaning for you or love that drives you forward…live while the gift of life is yours.

Relationship Tips

Relationship Tip #3 – Expectation Kills The Connection

If curiosity kills the cat, then expectation is definitely what kills the connection in relationships. What exactly happens when we expect?

Expect
To look forward to, require or consider due

Permit
To happen, to give permission for, to allow

These two definitions are key to know as we navigate in our relationships. Why? Because they detail how we tend to self sabotage relationships by placing expectations on the actions of those around us and/or the situations we are involved in with these individuals.

Allow me to paint the picture…

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A 5 year old boy sits in front of his birthday cake. He has been eagerly awaiting a superhero themed party and a very specific spiderman gift. This small boy has told everyone over and over about the party and the gift for months. But, recently this child’s parents lost their jobs and are struggling to make ends meet.

On this day the child doesn’t receive the themed party or the spiderman gift he has been  expecting. What he does receive is a cake, family around him and a toy that his father spent days making for him.

What do you suppose happens to the child’s emotions on his birthday? Is he joyful over the love his parents are giving him and grateful for the gift he does receive? Or, is he upset that his built up expectations weren’t met.

This is how we tend to travel through life. We become the child whose party expectations weren’t met and we become disheartened each time we don’t receive what we have built up in our minds. The layers of disappointment mount until we are so weighed down that we don’t remember how to be anything but disappointed. This creates a cycle in all relationships. We expect that we will be disappointed.

There is a way to turn this cycle around.

When we release expectation and permit relationships to present themselves as they are – we begin to recognize the gifts that are being offered in the current moment. Disappointment fades and we understand that even when we don’t agree with an action or an outcome, there is opportunity for growth within it. We see the beauty and freedom in the allowance instead of the limitation set by the requirements of expectation.

Relationship Tip #3 – Release Expectation and Permit Things To Unfold

Relationship Tips

Relationship Tip #2 – Embrace Silence

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How frequently do you take time to enjoy quiet moments of connection with the people you love the MOST…? 

I’m not talking about sitting beside each other on the sofa watching television OR staring at iPhones in the same room. 

I mean true connection without words. 

Looking at each other for more than 15 seconds. Holding hands. 

Hugging one another… in a way that shows you REALLY mean it.

When we become dependent on words to express ourselves within our relationships, we not only weaken our other forms of connection within that relationship, we also miss out on many amazing opportunities to journey deeper within ourselves. 

That’s why the second tip is… EMBRACE THE SILENCE.

Embrace the silence and begin to explore new ways to express how you feel for those you cherish.

There are an infinite number of ways to do this, from small gifts and gestures to a simple touch of their hand…stop limiting yourself to one form and explore your infinite nature!

 

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Life Coaching

To Do Something That’s Never Been Done Before…

Have you ever had visions of doing something that you haven’t seen done before? What keeps you from doing it? What stops that vision from transcending your dreams and entering into your reality?

For most of us, it’s fear. 

You see…in order to do something that’s never been done before, we must be willing to do something that’s never been done before.

This means that we must be willing to stand out, be different and allow ourselves to navigate through all doubts (even those given to us by those around us) to bring that vision into reality. Very few world shaping inventors/individuals had everyone around them saying, “Wow, that’s a fantastic idea!” And, if you read their stories, most doubted themselves and their ability to bring forward their visions during the creative process.

What allowed these amazing people to move forward?

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Their dedication to their vision transcended their doubt. Their passion and love for their purpose allowed them to strive forward through each setback. And, their belief in their ability to do something that had never been done before brought each creation into reality. They listened to the comments of those around them, but took it as feedback toward their creations – not reasons to stop their momentum.

Do you feel called to positively contribute to the world by doing something that’s never been done before? Don’t give permission for fear to hold you back. Move beyond doubt. Allow yourself to be creative in your own, unique way and bring that unique spark to the world.