Loving Support – Relationship Tip #5

In every relationship there generally comes a point where the person we care about begins to act in a way that makes absolutely no sense to us. They find a hobby that we simply don’t relate to or they make choices that we can’t understand. It can be any number of things. The question is, how do we respond?

The answer may be one of our greatest opportunities to be an expression of unconditional love – we can choose to navigate beyond our feelings and support the person we love in their choice.

If we react or respond to their choices with anger, disgust or fear, all we show them is that we don’t respect their ability to make decisions.

Everyone desires to feel valued and respected, especially by those they love. So, no matter how greatly we may feel our response is justified, we must always ask ourselves: what matters more – our response in that moment or the overall impact our response will leave on the person we love?

If we feel the decision our loved one is making could be harmful, seek to understand why they are making the choice. Get to the root of the desire, then navigate forward from this awareness. Is it a desire for attention? Are they seeking something else completely?

Above all, it is how each of us choose to respond that will determine if this opportunity will bring our relationships closer together. Be aware in each moment as you navigate through it.

Nobody Likes To Feel Trapped – Relationship Tip #4

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where you simply feel trapped? Be it by family, friends or a romantic partner – you feel as though you are bound to them in such a way that you have no other option than to remain in the relationship?

 

Relationships should never feel like a trap. If a relationship feels this way, it is a clear indication that there is something fundamentally misaligned in the exchange.

 

MISALIGNMENT DOES NOT MEAN…

 

a) that the relationship cannot be realigned – removing the feelings of entrapment

 

b) that it’s is all about the other person and their actions (often, this feeling is a sign that the person feeling trapped has internal actions to navigate)

 

WHAT IT DOES MEAN…

 

is that there is a need to observe the reason for the feelings and take the necessary steps to resolve them.

 

This may be stating the obvious, but what we might not understand is the cycle we are creating as we allow this feeling of entrapment to continue.

 

When we give permission for a feeling such as this to be a dominate feeling in our lives, we are telling ourselves that it is ok to feel this way. This establishes the foundation for the next relationship, then the next and all additional relationships. We unknowingly set a pattern until we become numb to it. We know nothing else and over time, we may subconsciously begin to seek that feeling.

 

Relationship Tip #4: If You Feel Trapped – Break The Cycle

 

Take time to understand what is generating the feelings of being trapped and take the actions needed to resolve them. Allow yourself to build healthy relationships based in love, not fear. You are worth it!

I AM

Over the holidays I have had the joy of hosting my family. I love them dearly and always feel blessed to share time with them. But, like all families, there are consistently opportunities to observe and break cycles that aren’t serving us any longer. 

 

As people, we grow and shift over our lifetimes. As families, we don’t always recognize this growth and shift within one another and may not honor it until the lack of honoring is pointed out. Often, to one another, we are the roles we have played throughout our lives (the role of mom, dad, little brother, big sister, etc.). We find comfort in these roles and forget that we are people beyond them.

 

So, when we gather together for events such as the holidays, we have a tendency to fall into our respective roles. But, if one or more of us has grown in a way that takes us beyond our role, it can shift the entire dynamic of the group. 

 

What do I mean?

 

For me personally, I now understand that I am unconditional love, kindness, strength and patience and I use these aspects of who I am to play the roles of mother/daughter/sister/life coach/meditation practitioner. Once I leave this world I will continue to be unconditional love, kindness, strength and patience. These are the energies that make up the very essence of who I am. I will not continue to be a mother/daughter/sister/life coach/meditation practitioner. These are roles I have taken on to experience life.

 

Why does this matter?

 

Because, when my role as wife fell away, it didn’t take away who I am. I was not defined by my role. I know who I am. And, when my family worries for me (as families do – and in great excess over the holidays), I am able to not participate. Instead, I am able to connect with who I am and continue to draw upon my strength and unconditional love.

 

Do you know who you are beyond your roles? Take time to connect to what makes you who you are and embrace these aspects of self fully. Love all that you are, and through this love, allow others to see you and love you too.

 

Why Do People Cheat?

In Life Coaching there are many topics that arise, but cheating is a fairly consistent theme.  From cheating on partners or diets to cheating for financial gain or recognition, this act of dishonesty leaves most wondering why it happens at all – including many of those who do it.

I have observed a fairly consistent pattern in those who cheat and this is what I would like to discuss in this post. I’m not claiming it to be anything other than my observation and I am posting as something for those who are interested to consider.

But, before we get to the pattern, let’s make certain we have a common definition for the word. Cheating is defined as:

 1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage.
2. avoid something undesirable by luck or skill.

Now that we have a common definition from which to base this discussion, what is this pattern that seems to be present in those who do it?

It’s quite simple really, the ego is out of balance (either too high or too low), often leading to a desire to control, avoid or seek validation from external sources.

Let’s begin with those who have an ego that shifts from balanced to high. These individuals tend to cross the line from confidence to conceit and begin to desire power and control. Those who hold this desire begin to feel justified in doing whatever is necessary to generate an outcome in their favor. If this includes acting dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage, then that is what they will do. The drive to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events far outweighs the desire to be honorable in principles, intentions and actions. These individuals often evaluate their self-worth by their external power and control.

Now, what happens when ego goes the other way? Individuals who have a low ego (low self-esteem) tend to seek balance by obtaining the approval of others. When they don’t feel worthy enough, they may also attempt to avoid the feeling with alternate sources (food, drugs, alcohol, etc.).

Why is this important to know?

When your sense of self-worth is centered and balanced, there is no need for control, external validation or avoidance. The desire to cheat in any fashion is gone. There is a realization that there is simply no need for it. You feel whole and complete as you are. You are in this state of self-love and self-confidence that is neither low nor high. It is a beautiful state of being and completely achievable.

How do you achieve it? The first step is to understand where you fall in your own self-esteem and self-worth in this current moment. Once you have the strength to look at where you are, you can begin to understand what it will take to navigate through any tendencies that are preventing you from being balanced.

It isn’t easy to face ourselves and realize that we may have growth to do in the area of balancing our ego. But, not admitting it is cheating ourselves out of a truly blissful state of being.

Remember: Only when we are completely, totally and fully honest with ourselves can we begin to transform into what we truly desire.

 

Namasté
Amber

 

Why Do We Lie?

“In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.” 

Why are we compelled to conceal the truth with falseness? Is it love or fear that drives the decision?

I am now one of those annoying people who will not lie. I may choose not to participate in a conversation or may tell someone directly that I would prefer not to answer a question, but I will not provide a false answer to “protect” or “save” someones feelings. I do this out of love and honor for all that I am sharing my time, space and energy with – including myself.

I am the first to admit I was not always an Honest Abe. Previously, I had the perception that it was better to tell a little white lie, one that wasn’t necessarily hurting anyone, than it was to hurt someone’s feelings. After all, we all do it. In fact, we are so conditioned to it that we nearly desire others to lie to us to save our feelings. In many cases we would rather be told that we look nice in something than be told the truth if something doesn’t fit us well. In essence, we have created a culture where it is better to be false than to speak truth.

But, I have now come to realize that every time I was false I wasn’t only false to the person I had told the lie to, I was also false with myself. I wasn’t speaking from my heart so that I might face my experience. I was speaking from what I believed others desired me to say so that I could avoid it. In doing this, I was denying myself the opportunity to realize the true value in the exchange. Over time, that had an impact. I had missed many opportunities to grow on a soul level, and to possibly assist other in the same way. My unhealthy avoidance cycle through little lies in an effort to keep the peace ultimately prevented me from speaking my truth.

Once I took time to observe this cycle and choose to end it, this was the lesson I found:

Nothing good ever comes from a lie – big or small. If we desire something true, we have to be truthful first – both with ourselves and those around us. It all begins within. ♥