Loving Support – Relationship Tip #5

In every relationship there generally comes a point where the person we care about begins to act in a way that makes absolutely no sense to us. They find a hobby that we simply don’t relate to or they make choices that we can’t understand. It can be any number of things. The question is, how do we respond?

The answer may be one of our greatest opportunities to be an expression of unconditional love – we can choose to navigate beyond our feelings and support the person we love in their choice.

If we react or respond to their choices with anger, disgust or fear, all we show them is that we don’t respect their ability to make decisions.

Everyone desires to feel valued and respected, especially by those they love. So, no matter how greatly we may feel our response is justified, we must always ask ourselves: what matters more – our response in that moment or the overall impact our response will leave on the person we love?

If we feel the decision our loved one is making could be harmful, seek to understand why they are making the choice. Get to the root of the desire, then navigate forward from this awareness. Is it a desire for attention? Are they seeking something else completely?

Above all, it is how each of us choose to respond that will determine if this opportunity will bring our relationships closer together. Be aware in each moment as you navigate through it.

Relationship Tip #2 – Embrace Silence

How frequently do you take time to enjoy quiet moments of connection with the people you love the MOST…? 

I’m not talking about sitting beside each other on the sofa watching television OR staring at iPhones in the same room. 

I mean true connection without words. 

Looking at each other for more than 15 seconds. Holding hands. 

Hugging one another… in a way that shows you REALLY mean it.

When we become dependent on words to express ourselves within our relationships, we not only weaken our other forms of connection within that relationship, we also miss out on many amazing opportunities to journey deeper within ourselves. 

That’s why the second tip is… EMBRACE THE SILENCE.

Embrace the silence and begin to explore new ways to express how you feel for those you cherish.

There are an infinite number of ways to do this, from small gifts and gestures to a simple touch of their hand…stop limiting yourself to one form and explore your infinite nature!

 

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Relationship Tip #1: Love & Respect

As we head into 2017, my partner Austin and I would like to select some of our most requested topics for coaching and begin to dive into them on our blogs and FB pages. At the top of this list – Relationship Support.

Joining together with another person, be it romantic or otherwise, offers unique opportunities to observe qualities within ourselves. We may not always see it this way. Often, we allow our focus to travel to what we desire to ‘change’ about our partner. When we do this, we may not take that step back to understand what opportunities exist for us to grow within ourselves.

The fact is, most highly functional and successful relationships are built by two individuals who have little to no desire to change one another. They may not agree with every quality the other chooses to express in each now moment, but changing that quality doesn’t come into discussion. Instead, the couple seeks to understand the quality or simply agrees to disagree and honor the perspective of one another.

For some reason, many of us have created this notion that when we are in a relationship with someone, we have to completely and fully align. That if we don’t share exactly the same values, beliefs, desires, etc. that the other either needs to conform  (or we do) in order to move forward. Why?

Many of the closest friends and happiest couples Austin and I have had the honor of meeting with are as different as can be…but they do share one common bond – a deep love and respect for one another. When this exists, all else aligns.

This is our first tip for 2017 – allow yourself to stop over-complicating relationships in life and build from this beautiful foundation — pure love and mutual respect.

~In Loving Service
Amber

I AM

Over the holidays I have had the joy of hosting my family. I love them dearly and always feel blessed to share time with them. But, like all families, there are consistently opportunities to observe and break cycles that aren’t serving us any longer. 

 

As people, we grow and shift over our lifetimes. As families, we don’t always recognize this growth and shift within one another and may not honor it until the lack of honoring is pointed out. Often, to one another, we are the roles we have played throughout our lives (the role of mom, dad, little brother, big sister, etc.). We find comfort in these roles and forget that we are people beyond them.

 

So, when we gather together for events such as the holidays, we have a tendency to fall into our respective roles. But, if one or more of us has grown in a way that takes us beyond our role, it can shift the entire dynamic of the group. 

 

What do I mean?

 

For me personally, I now understand that I am unconditional love, kindness, strength and patience and I use these aspects of who I am to play the roles of mother/daughter/sister/life coach/meditation practitioner. Once I leave this world I will continue to be unconditional love, kindness, strength and patience. These are the energies that make up the very essence of who I am. I will not continue to be a mother/daughter/sister/life coach/meditation practitioner. These are roles I have taken on to experience life.

 

Why does this matter?

 

Because, when my role as wife fell away, it didn’t take away who I am. I was not defined by my role. I know who I am. And, when my family worries for me (as families do – and in great excess over the holidays), I am able to not participate. Instead, I am able to connect with who I am and continue to draw upon my strength and unconditional love.

 

Do you know who you are beyond your roles? Take time to connect to what makes you who you are and embrace these aspects of self fully. Love all that you are, and through this love, allow others to see you and love you too.

 

Can People Change?

Some quotes stick with you once the words echo in your ears. For me, this has been the case with Maya Angelou’s quote, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” 

I found myself in an internal struggle with these words. I believe that things are rarely what they appear to be on the surface. That, even when we remove the masks and facades that we tend to wear as people, we are incredibly diverse and complex beings.

To state that someone can show you who they are the first time means that you are projecting the assumption that this person fully understand who they are within themselves.

Now let me ask you this, how many of you fully understand who you are in this now moment? Fully…completely…truly?

We are all on this journey of discovery. To judge and evaluate another is to limit our opportunity to know them. This is not stating that we shouldn’t set healthy boundaries as we are all finding our way.

But, to assume that people are unable to change mirrors back that we, too, are not able to shift as we learn more about ourselves. Is this the path we are choosing to walk?

I love and honor Maya Angelou and thank her for the opportunity to consider these words. I may not align with them, but I am grateful that they sparked the chance for me to look deeper within and understand why.

That is the strength in words and the very point in this post. We aren’t all going to agree and we aren’t all going to align. But,  we are ever changing, ever exploring, ever shifting in our awareness. What you know and believe today will likely not be the same in five years and certainly won’t be the same in fifty years.

So yes, in my view, people can and do change ♥ often.

Why Do We Lie?

“In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.” 

Why are we compelled to conceal the truth with falseness? Is it love or fear that drives the decision?

I am now one of those annoying people who will not lie. I may choose not to participate in a conversation or may tell someone directly that I would prefer not to answer a question, but I will not provide a false answer to “protect” or “save” someones feelings. I do this out of love and honor for all that I am sharing my time, space and energy with – including myself.

I am the first to admit I was not always an Honest Abe. Previously, I had the perception that it was better to tell a little white lie, one that wasn’t necessarily hurting anyone, than it was to hurt someone’s feelings. After all, we all do it. In fact, we are so conditioned to it that we nearly desire others to lie to us to save our feelings. In many cases we would rather be told that we look nice in something than be told the truth if something doesn’t fit us well. In essence, we have created a culture where it is better to be false than to speak truth.

But, I have now come to realize that every time I was false I wasn’t only false to the person I had told the lie to, I was also false with myself. I wasn’t speaking from my heart so that I might face my experience. I was speaking from what I believed others desired me to say so that I could avoid it. In doing this, I was denying myself the opportunity to realize the true value in the exchange. Over time, that had an impact. I had missed many opportunities to grow on a soul level, and to possibly assist other in the same way. My unhealthy avoidance cycle through little lies in an effort to keep the peace ultimately prevented me from speaking my truth.

Once I took time to observe this cycle and choose to end it, this was the lesson I found:

Nothing good ever comes from a lie – big or small. If we desire something true, we have to be truthful first – both with ourselves and those around us. It all begins within. ♥