Quiet The Mind – Expand The Heart

Why is it so challenging to quiet the mind when it comes to matters of the heart? Sometimes, no matter what tools we leverage, navigating the chatter in our head to connect with and hear our heart feels like a futile effort. What can we do when we are faced with this challenge?

Generally, it is our fear of loss that ignites when we are faced with potential change that involves the heart. This causes our mind to create plans for how to navigate the change and wonder what will come next. It is as though a piece of us is dying and, for most of us, we don’t desire to die in any sense.

What do we do to return to our heart?

What I have found to be most beneficial is to actively choose to look at the circumstance as expansion and not death. What do I mean?

Think of it like adding a room on to your house. When we make the decision that our home could use more space, we also know that we must be willing to navigate through the discomfort of the construction in order to enjoy the beautiful new space. We don’t look at the demolition of a portion of our home for the addition as death of the space. Instead, we see it for what it is – building onto something we love because there is more that might be done with the space.

This is how I view matters of my eternal home – my heart. It is an opportunity for me to expand the divine love within – adding room after room with each experience. When the chatter of my mind inevitably arises, I remind myself that any discomfort I am feeling is simply the building process – soon the construction will be complete and I will have a beautiful new space to add to my experience.

With love ~Amber

Loving Support – Relationship Tip #5

In every relationship there generally comes a point where the person we care about begins to act in a way that makes absolutely no sense to us. They find a hobby that we simply don’t relate to or they make choices that we can’t understand. It can be any number of things. The question is, how do we respond?

The answer may be one of our greatest opportunities to be an expression of unconditional love – we can choose to navigate beyond our feelings and support the person we love in their choice.

If we react or respond to their choices with anger, disgust or fear, all we show them is that we don’t respect their ability to make decisions.

Everyone desires to feel valued and respected, especially by those they love. So, no matter how greatly we may feel our response is justified, we must always ask ourselves: what matters more – our response in that moment or the overall impact our response will leave on the person we love?

If we feel the decision our loved one is making could be harmful, seek to understand why they are making the choice. Get to the root of the desire, then navigate forward from this awareness. Is it a desire for attention? Are they seeking something else completely?

Above all, it is how each of us choose to respond that will determine if this opportunity will bring our relationships closer together. Be aware in each moment as you navigate through it.

I AM

Over the holidays I have had the joy of hosting my family. I love them dearly and always feel blessed to share time with them. But, like all families, there are consistently opportunities to observe and break cycles that aren’t serving us any longer. 

 

As people, we grow and shift over our lifetimes. As families, we don’t always recognize this growth and shift within one another and may not honor it until the lack of honoring is pointed out. Often, to one another, we are the roles we have played throughout our lives (the role of mom, dad, little brother, big sister, etc.). We find comfort in these roles and forget that we are people beyond them.

 

So, when we gather together for events such as the holidays, we have a tendency to fall into our respective roles. But, if one or more of us has grown in a way that takes us beyond our role, it can shift the entire dynamic of the group. 

 

What do I mean?

 

For me personally, I now understand that I am unconditional love, kindness, strength and patience and I use these aspects of who I am to play the roles of mother/daughter/sister/life coach/meditation practitioner. Once I leave this world I will continue to be unconditional love, kindness, strength and patience. These are the energies that make up the very essence of who I am. I will not continue to be a mother/daughter/sister/life coach/meditation practitioner. These are roles I have taken on to experience life.

 

Why does this matter?

 

Because, when my role as wife fell away, it didn’t take away who I am. I was not defined by my role. I know who I am. And, when my family worries for me (as families do – and in great excess over the holidays), I am able to not participate. Instead, I am able to connect with who I am and continue to draw upon my strength and unconditional love.

 

Do you know who you are beyond your roles? Take time to connect to what makes you who you are and embrace these aspects of self fully. Love all that you are, and through this love, allow others to see you and love you too.

 

If You Love Something…

If you love something, set it free
If it comes back to you, it’s yours
If it doesn’t, it never was

I have heard this saying uttered to me often in my life, as friends and family sought ways to be supportive during times of transition. I always appreciated the gesture but, to be completely honest, the phrase itself has never made much sense to me and here is why.

It begins with the first line…if I love something, I should set it free. In my view, if I love something it should already be free. This line would indicate that I have somehow controlled or held captive the object of my love and need to take steps to release it to validate that I own it’s love. I would offer that this isn’t love. Love is a choice between two beings in every moment. It isn’t forced or manipulated – it is simple and beautiful.

Then we move to the second line…if it comes back to me, it is mine. Uhm…no, it’s not. First, all I own in this world is the energy that I create from the experiences that I share, the rest I simply borrow until I transition. Think about it, what do we take with us when we pass on? If something was ‘mine,’ it would move on with me, but it doesn’t.

Second, I have always felt the notion that someone you love ‘is yours’ is like a two-year old with a toy screaming ‘mine, mine, mine’ every time someone comes close. No person belongs to anyone else. There is no ownership – there is choice. And, when we choose one another, the depths of love are amazing. We know that person is with us in every moment not because they have to be or because we are forcing them to be, but because they desire to be and are choosing to be.

Now, to the last line. Simply because something (or someone) chooses to move on to another experience in their life does not mean that they did not love us fully and completely in the time that we shared together. To shift our love to anger simply because someone we love is journeying onward in life may possibly indicate that we didn’t fully loved them, not the other way around.

When we love, fully and completely, we desire joy and happiness for those we give this love to – not anger that they didn’t come back to us. If our response is that the person was never truly ours, it might be a wonderful opportunity for inward reflection.

I know what many might be thinking – this is simply a phrase to help people feel better as they are waiting to see if someone or something they love is going to return to them. But, words carry energy. These phrases mean something and, as a world society, it is important that we begin to start taking a step back from them and ask what they truly mean to us.

Stop using words and phrases that don’t resonate with us and create new ones that do. Break old cycles of control that we may not even realize are there and stand upon new cycles of freedom and love.

Yours in love always ~Amber