Loving Support – Relationship Tip #5

In every relationship there generally comes a point where the person we care about begins to act in a way that makes absolutely no sense to us. They find a hobby that we simply don’t relate to or they make choices that we can’t understand. It can be any number of things. The question is, how do we respond?

The answer may be one of our greatest opportunities to be an expression of unconditional love – we can choose to navigate beyond our feelings and support the person we love in their choice.

If we react or respond to their choices with anger, disgust or fear, all we show them is that we don’t respect their ability to make decisions.

Everyone desires to feel valued and respected, especially by those they love. So, no matter how greatly we may feel our response is justified, we must always ask ourselves: what matters more – our response in that moment or the overall impact our response will leave on the person we love?

If we feel the decision our loved one is making could be harmful, seek to understand why they are making the choice. Get to the root of the desire, then navigate forward from this awareness. Is it a desire for attention? Are they seeking something else completely?

Above all, it is how each of us choose to respond that will determine if this opportunity will bring our relationships closer together. Be aware in each moment as you navigate through it.

I AM

Over the holidays I have had the joy of hosting my family. I love them dearly and always feel blessed to share time with them. But, like all families, there are consistently opportunities to observe and break cycles that aren’t serving us any longer. 

 

As people, we grow and shift over our lifetimes. As families, we don’t always recognize this growth and shift within one another and may not honor it until the lack of honoring is pointed out. Often, to one another, we are the roles we have played throughout our lives (the role of mom, dad, little brother, big sister, etc.). We find comfort in these roles and forget that we are people beyond them.

 

So, when we gather together for events such as the holidays, we have a tendency to fall into our respective roles. But, if one or more of us has grown in a way that takes us beyond our role, it can shift the entire dynamic of the group. 

 

What do I mean?

 

For me personally, I now understand that I am unconditional love, kindness, strength and patience and I use these aspects of who I am to play the roles of mother/daughter/sister/life coach/meditation practitioner. Once I leave this world I will continue to be unconditional love, kindness, strength and patience. These are the energies that make up the very essence of who I am. I will not continue to be a mother/daughter/sister/life coach/meditation practitioner. These are roles I have taken on to experience life.

 

Why does this matter?

 

Because, when my role as wife fell away, it didn’t take away who I am. I was not defined by my role. I know who I am. And, when my family worries for me (as families do – and in great excess over the holidays), I am able to not participate. Instead, I am able to connect with who I am and continue to draw upon my strength and unconditional love.

 

Do you know who you are beyond your roles? Take time to connect to what makes you who you are and embrace these aspects of self fully. Love all that you are, and through this love, allow others to see you and love you too.

 

Can People Change?

Some quotes stick with you once the words echo in your ears. For me, this has been the case with Maya Angelou’s quote, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” 

I found myself in an internal struggle with these words. I believe that things are rarely what they appear to be on the surface. That, even when we remove the masks and facades that we tend to wear as people, we are incredibly diverse and complex beings.

To state that someone can show you who they are the first time means that you are projecting the assumption that this person fully understand who they are within themselves.

Now let me ask you this, how many of you fully understand who you are in this now moment? Fully…completely…truly?

We are all on this journey of discovery. To judge and evaluate another is to limit our opportunity to know them. This is not stating that we shouldn’t set healthy boundaries as we are all finding our way.

But, to assume that people are unable to change mirrors back that we, too, are not able to shift as we learn more about ourselves. Is this the path we are choosing to walk?

I love and honor Maya Angelou and thank her for the opportunity to consider these words. I may not align with them, but I am grateful that they sparked the chance for me to look deeper within and understand why.

That is the strength in words and the very point in this post. We aren’t all going to agree and we aren’t all going to align. But,  we are ever changing, ever exploring, ever shifting in our awareness. What you know and believe today will likely not be the same in five years and certainly won’t be the same in fifty years.

So yes, in my view, people can and do change ♥ often.