Life Coaching

Quiet The Mind – Expand The Heart

photo-1500945160564-0b4cd50585faWhy is it so challenging to quiet the mind when it comes to matters of the heart? Sometimes, no matter what tools we leverage, navigating the chatter in our head to connect with and hear our heart feels like a futile effort. What can we do when we are faced with this challenge?

Generally, it is our fear of loss that ignites when we are faced with potential change that involves the heart. This causes our mind to create plans for how to navigate the change and wonder what will come next. It is as though a piece of us is dying and, for most of us, we don’t desire to die in any sense.

What do we do to return to our heart?

What I have found to be most beneficial is to actively choose to look at the circumstance as expansion and not death. What do I mean?

Think of it like adding a room on to your house. When we make the decision that our home could use more space, we also know that we must be willing to navigate through the discomfort of the construction in order to enjoy the beautiful new space. We don’t look at the demolition of a portion of our home for the addition as death of the space. Instead, we see it for what it is – building onto something we love because there is more that might be done with the space.

This is how I view matters of my eternal home – my heart. It is an opportunity for me to expand the divine love within – adding room after room with each experience. When the chatter of my mind inevitably arises, I remind myself that any discomfort I am feeling is simply the building process – soon the construction will be complete and I will have a beautiful new space to add to my experience.

With love ~Amber

Relationship Tips

Loving Support – Relationship Tip #5

In every relationship there generally comes a point where the person we care about begins to act in a way that makes absolutely no sense to us. They find a hobby that we simply don’t relate to or they make choices that we can’t understand. It can be any number of things. The question is, how do we respond?

The answer may be one of our greatest opportunities to be an expression of unconditional love – we can choose to navigate beyond our feelings and support the person we love in their choice.

If we react or respond to their choices with anger, disgust or fear, all we show them is that we don’t respect their ability to make decisions.

Everyone desires to feel valued and respected, especially by those they love. So, no matter how greatly we may feel our response is justified, we must always ask ourselves: what matters more – our response in that moment or the overall impact our response will leave on the person we love?

If we feel the decision our loved one is making could be harmful, seek to understand why they are making the choice. Get to the root of the desire, then navigate forward from this awareness. Is it a desire for attention? Are they seeking something else completely?

Above all, it is how each of us choose to respond that will determine if this opportunity will bring our relationships closer together. Be aware in each moment as you navigate through it.

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Relationship Tips

Relationship Tip #3 – Expectation Kills The Connection

If curiosity kills the cat, then expectation is definitely what kills the connection in relationships. What exactly happens when we expect?

Expect
To look forward to, require or consider due

Permit
To happen, to give permission for, to allow

These two definitions are key to know as we navigate in our relationships. Why? Because they detail how we tend to self sabotage relationships by placing expectations on the actions of those around us and/or the situations we are involved in with these individuals.

Allow me to paint the picture…

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A 5 year old boy sits in front of his birthday cake. He has been eagerly awaiting a superhero themed party and a very specific spiderman gift. This small boy has told everyone over and over about the party and the gift for months. But, recently this child’s parents lost their jobs and are struggling to make ends meet.

On this day the child doesn’t receive the themed party or the spiderman gift he has beenย  expecting. What he does receive is a cake, family around him and a toy that his father spent days making for him.

What do you suppose happens to the child’s emotions on his birthday? Is he joyful over the love his parents are giving him and grateful for the gift he does receive? Or, is he upset that his built up expectations weren’t met.

This is how we tend to travel through life. We become the child whose party expectations weren’t met and we become disheartened each time we don’t receive what we have built up in our minds. The layers of disappointment mount until we are so weighed down that we don’t remember how to be anything but disappointed. This creates a cycle in all relationships. We expect that we will be disappointed.

There is a way to turn this cycle around.

When we release expectation and permit relationships to present themselves as they are – we begin to recognize the gifts that are being offered in the current moment. Disappointment fades and we understand that even when we don’t agree with an action or an outcome, there is opportunity for growth within it. We see the beauty and freedom in the allowance instead of the limitation set by the requirements of expectation.

Relationship Tip #3 – Release Expectation and Permit Things To Unfold