In every relationship there generally comes a point where the person we care about begins to act in a way that makes absolutely no sense to us. They find a hobby that we simply don’t relate to or they make choices that we can’t understand. It can be any number of things. The question is, how do we respond?
The answer may be one of our greatest opportunities to be an expression of unconditional love – we can choose to navigate beyond our feelings and support the person we love in their choice.
If we react or respond to their choices with anger, disgust or fear, all we show them is that we don’t respect their ability to make decisions.
Everyone desires to feel valued and respected, especially by those they love. So, no matter how greatly we may feel our response is justified, we must always ask ourselves: what matters more – our response in that moment or the overall impact our response will leave on the person we love?
If we feel the decision our loved one is making could be harmful, seek to understand why they are making the choice. Get to the root of the desire, then navigate forward from this awareness. Is it a desire for attention? Are they seeking something else completely?
Above all, it is how each of us choose to respond that will determine if this opportunity will bring our relationships closer together. Be aware in each moment as you navigate through it.
As we head into 2017, my partner Austin and I would like to select some of our most requested topics for coaching and begin to dive into them on our blogs and FB pages. At the top of this list – Relationship Support.
Joining together with another person, be it romantic or otherwise, offers unique opportunities to observe qualities within ourselves. We may not always see it this way. Often, we allow our focus to travel to what we desire to ‘change’ about our partner. When we do this, we may not take that step back to understand what opportunities exist for us to grow within ourselves.
The fact is, most highly functional and successful relationships are built by two individuals who have little to no desire to change one another. They may not agree with every quality the other chooses to express in each now moment, but changing that quality doesn’t come into discussion. Instead, the couple seeks to understand the quality or simply agrees to disagree and honor the perspective of one another.
For some reason, many of us have created this notion that when we are in a relationship with someone, we have to completely and fully align. That if we don’t share exactly the same values, beliefs, desires, etc. that the other either needs to conform (or we do) in order to move forward. Why?
Many of the closest friends and happiest couples Austin and I have had the honor of meeting with are as different as can be…but they do share one common bond – a deep love and respect for one another. When this exists, all else aligns.
This is our first tip for 2017 – allow yourself to stop over-complicating relationships in life and build from this beautiful foundation — pure love and mutual respect.
~In Loving Service