Quiet The Mind – Expand The Heart

Why is it so challenging to quiet the mind when it comes to matters of the heart? Sometimes, no matter what tools we leverage, navigating the chatter in our head to connect with and hear our heart feels like a futile effort. What can we do when we are faced with this challenge?

Generally, it is our fear of loss that ignites when we are faced with potential change that involves the heart. This causes our mind to create plans for how to navigate the change and wonder what will come next. It is as though a piece of us is dying and, for most of us, we don’t desire to die in any sense.

What do we do to return to our heart?

What I have found to be most beneficial is to actively choose to look at the circumstance as expansion and not death. What do I mean?

Think of it like adding a room on to your house. When we make the decision that our home could use more space, we also know that we must be willing to navigate through the discomfort of the construction in order to enjoy the beautiful new space. We don’t look at the demolition of a portion of our home for the addition as death of the space. Instead, we see it for what it is – building onto something we love because there is more that might be done with the space.

This is how I view matters of my eternal home – my heart. It is an opportunity for me to expand the divine love within – adding room after room with each experience. When the chatter of my mind inevitably arises, I remind myself that any discomfort I am feeling is simply the building process – soon the construction will be complete and I will have a beautiful new space to add to my experience.

With love ~Amber

Loving Support – Relationship Tip #5

In every relationship there generally comes a point where the person we care about begins to act in a way that makes absolutely no sense to us. They find a hobby that we simply don’t relate to or they make choices that we can’t understand. It can be any number of things. The question is, how do we respond?

The answer may be one of our greatest opportunities to be an expression of unconditional love – we can choose to navigate beyond our feelings and support the person we love in their choice.

If we react or respond to their choices with anger, disgust or fear, all we show them is that we don’t respect their ability to make decisions.

Everyone desires to feel valued and respected, especially by those they love. So, no matter how greatly we may feel our response is justified, we must always ask ourselves: what matters more – our response in that moment or the overall impact our response will leave on the person we love?

If we feel the decision our loved one is making could be harmful, seek to understand why they are making the choice. Get to the root of the desire, then navigate forward from this awareness. Is it a desire for attention? Are they seeking something else completely?

Above all, it is how each of us choose to respond that will determine if this opportunity will bring our relationships closer together. Be aware in each moment as you navigate through it.

Nobody Likes To Feel Trapped – Relationship Tip #4

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where you simply feel trapped? Be it by family, friends or a romantic partner – you feel as though you are bound to them in such a way that you have no other option than to remain in the relationship?

 

Relationships should never feel like a trap. If a relationship feels this way, it is a clear indication that there is something fundamentally misaligned in the exchange.

 

MISALIGNMENT DOES NOT MEAN…

 

a) that the relationship cannot be realigned – removing the feelings of entrapment

 

b) that it’s is all about the other person and their actions (often, this feeling is a sign that the person feeling trapped has internal actions to navigate)

 

WHAT IT DOES MEAN…

 

is that there is a need to observe the reason for the feelings and take the necessary steps to resolve them.

 

This may be stating the obvious, but what we might not understand is the cycle we are creating as we allow this feeling of entrapment to continue.

 

When we give permission for a feeling such as this to be a dominate feeling in our lives, we are telling ourselves that it is ok to feel this way. This establishes the foundation for the next relationship, then the next and all additional relationships. We unknowingly set a pattern until we become numb to it. We know nothing else and over time, we may subconsciously begin to seek that feeling.

 

Relationship Tip #4: If You Feel Trapped – Break The Cycle

 

Take time to understand what is generating the feelings of being trapped and take the actions needed to resolve them. Allow yourself to build healthy relationships based in love, not fear. You are worth it!

Do We Hold Onto Life Because We Fear Death?

This discussion came up after watching a show where one of the characters had a heartfelt monologue about how fearing death is what makes life worth living. His point was that death gave life value. Fearing the loss of life made it worth something.

While I understood the point of the scene and do agree in some ways, I guess I look at this a bit differently.

I don’t fear death, yet I still find life incredibly valuable and embrace every single second of it fully and completely. I do this because I truly love life. I love the way the sun and breeze feels. I love the way it feels to laugh with my friends and family. I love the opportunities that are presented to me for personal growth and development. I am grateful for every moment and recognize it as the gift that it is.

In my view, my life has value because it is filled with love – not because I fear its end. If I have lived each moment fully, then in the end I will have many beautiful memories to take with me. What is there to fear in this?

EMBRACE LIFE – LIVE IT FULLY.

Whether it is death that gives it meaning for you or love that drives you forward…live while the gift of life is yours.

Relationship Tip #3 – Expectation Kills The Connection

If curiosity kills the cat, then expectation is definitely what kills the connection in relationships. What exactly happens when we expect?

Expect
To look forward to, require or consider due

Permit
To happen, to give permission for, to allow

These two definitions are key to know as we navigate in our relationships. Why? Because they detail how we tend to self sabotage relationships by placing expectations on the actions of those around us and/or the situations we are involved in with these individuals.

Allow me to paint the picture…

A 5 year old boy sits in front of his birthday cake. He has been eagerly awaiting a superhero themed party and a very specific spiderman gift. This small boy has told everyone over and over about the party and the gift for months. But, recently this child’s parents lost their jobs and are struggling to make ends meet.

On this day the child doesn’t receive the themed party or the spiderman gift he has been  expecting. What he does receive is a cake, family around him and a toy that his father spent days making for him.

What do you suppose happens to the child’s emotions on his birthday? Is he joyful over the love his parents are giving him and grateful for the gift he does receive? Or, is he upset that his built up expectations weren’t met.

This is how we tend to travel through life. We become the child whose party expectations weren’t met and we become disheartened each time we don’t receive what we have built up in our minds. The layers of disappointment mount until we are so weighed down that we don’t remember how to be anything but disappointed. This creates a cycle in all relationships. We expect that we will be disappointed.

There is a way to turn this cycle around.

When we release expectation and permit relationships to present themselves as they are – we begin to recognize the gifts that are being offered in the current moment. Disappointment fades and we understand that even when we don’t agree with an action or an outcome, there is opportunity for growth within it. We see the beauty and freedom in the allowance instead of the limitation set by the requirements of expectation.

Relationship Tip #3 – Release Expectation and Permit Things To Unfold

Relationship Tip #2 – Embrace Silence

How frequently do you take time to enjoy quiet moments of connection with the people you love the MOST…? 

I’m not talking about sitting beside each other on the sofa watching television OR staring at iPhones in the same room. 

I mean true connection without words. 

Looking at each other for more than 15 seconds. Holding hands. 

Hugging one another… in a way that shows you REALLY mean it.

When we become dependent on words to express ourselves within our relationships, we not only weaken our other forms of connection within that relationship, we also miss out on many amazing opportunities to journey deeper within ourselves. 

That’s why the second tip is… EMBRACE THE SILENCE.

Embrace the silence and begin to explore new ways to express how you feel for those you cherish.

There are an infinite number of ways to do this, from small gifts and gestures to a simple touch of their hand…stop limiting yourself to one form and explore your infinite nature!

 

____

Relationship Tip #1: Love & Respect

As we head into 2017, my partner Austin and I would like to select some of our most requested topics for coaching and begin to dive into them on our blogs and FB pages. At the top of this list – Relationship Support.

Joining together with another person, be it romantic or otherwise, offers unique opportunities to observe qualities within ourselves. We may not always see it this way. Often, we allow our focus to travel to what we desire to ‘change’ about our partner. When we do this, we may not take that step back to understand what opportunities exist for us to grow within ourselves.

The fact is, most highly functional and successful relationships are built by two individuals who have little to no desire to change one another. They may not agree with every quality the other chooses to express in each now moment, but changing that quality doesn’t come into discussion. Instead, the couple seeks to understand the quality or simply agrees to disagree and honor the perspective of one another.

For some reason, many of us have created this notion that when we are in a relationship with someone, we have to completely and fully align. That if we don’t share exactly the same values, beliefs, desires, etc. that the other either needs to conform  (or we do) in order to move forward. Why?

Many of the closest friends and happiest couples Austin and I have had the honor of meeting with are as different as can be…but they do share one common bond – a deep love and respect for one another. When this exists, all else aligns.

This is our first tip for 2017 – allow yourself to stop over-complicating relationships in life and build from this beautiful foundation — pure love and mutual respect.

~In Loving Service
Amber

I AM

Over the holidays I have had the joy of hosting my family. I love them dearly and always feel blessed to share time with them. But, like all families, there are consistently opportunities to observe and break cycles that aren’t serving us any longer. 

 

As people, we grow and shift over our lifetimes. As families, we don’t always recognize this growth and shift within one another and may not honor it until the lack of honoring is pointed out. Often, to one another, we are the roles we have played throughout our lives (the role of mom, dad, little brother, big sister, etc.). We find comfort in these roles and forget that we are people beyond them.

 

So, when we gather together for events such as the holidays, we have a tendency to fall into our respective roles. But, if one or more of us has grown in a way that takes us beyond our role, it can shift the entire dynamic of the group. 

 

What do I mean?

 

For me personally, I now understand that I am unconditional love, kindness, strength and patience and I use these aspects of who I am to play the roles of mother/daughter/sister/life coach/meditation practitioner. Once I leave this world I will continue to be unconditional love, kindness, strength and patience. These are the energies that make up the very essence of who I am. I will not continue to be a mother/daughter/sister/life coach/meditation practitioner. These are roles I have taken on to experience life.

 

Why does this matter?

 

Because, when my role as wife fell away, it didn’t take away who I am. I was not defined by my role. I know who I am. And, when my family worries for me (as families do – and in great excess over the holidays), I am able to not participate. Instead, I am able to connect with who I am and continue to draw upon my strength and unconditional love.

 

Do you know who you are beyond your roles? Take time to connect to what makes you who you are and embrace these aspects of self fully. Love all that you are, and through this love, allow others to see you and love you too.

 

Frozen By Fear

Earlier this week my partner Austin and I had the pleasure of being at the San Diego Zoo. As we walked around to visit with all of the animals we noticed something that seemed a bit odd. Where all of the other animals had large cages or enclosures around them, the giraffes only had a small wall that held them into their place. With such long legs and such great height, it was easy to see that these animals could simply jump over the wall if they ever chose to – so why didn’t they? We were both incredibly puzzled by this, so we asked. The answer…

 

Giraffes are afraid of their own height so they won’t attempt to step over anything if they can keep from it.

What does this mean?

 

These animals have every ability to walk out of the enclosure that holds them and explore the world around them, but they don’t. Not because they are captive by the enclosure itself, but because they are held captive by their fears.

 

Isn’t that like many of us? We put reasons we aren’t stepping out into a new environment on our current environment. But, the truth is, our current environment is a small wall. All circumstances can be rearranged if we desire them to be. The only thing that truly holds us back is our own fear.

 

Life is an experience! If you are happy in your current environment, enjoy it fully and completely. But, if you desire to explore new terrain, don’t allow fear to hold you back. Step over that wall and embrace what is on the other side!

——-

Can People Change?

Some quotes stick with you once the words echo in your ears. For me, this has been the case with Maya Angelou’s quote, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” 

I found myself in an internal struggle with these words. I believe that things are rarely what they appear to be on the surface. That, even when we remove the masks and facades that we tend to wear as people, we are incredibly diverse and complex beings.

To state that someone can show you who they are the first time means that you are projecting the assumption that this person fully understand who they are within themselves.

Now let me ask you this, how many of you fully understand who you are in this now moment? Fully…completely…truly?

We are all on this journey of discovery. To judge and evaluate another is to limit our opportunity to know them. This is not stating that we shouldn’t set healthy boundaries as we are all finding our way.

But, to assume that people are unable to change mirrors back that we, too, are not able to shift as we learn more about ourselves. Is this the path we are choosing to walk?

I love and honor Maya Angelou and thank her for the opportunity to consider these words. I may not align with them, but I am grateful that they sparked the chance for me to look deeper within and understand why.

That is the strength in words and the very point in this post. We aren’t all going to agree and we aren’t all going to align. But,  we are ever changing, ever exploring, ever shifting in our awareness. What you know and believe today will likely not be the same in five years and certainly won’t be the same in fifty years.

So yes, in my view, people can and do change ♥ often.